Merry Cheese-mas
The best “worst” Christmas Albums

Madison Stowers

M. Stowers

Sometimes it’s truly amazing just how much people are willing to capitalize on the spirit of Christmas. This rings true for the music industry in particular, and an incredible number of exceptionally strange and tacky Christmas albums have been released over the years. For your entertainment, I’ve compiled a list of the twenty most bizarre Christmas albums – guaranteed to get you in the spirit of the holidays – listed below in no particular order.

1. Bob Dylan, Christmas in the Heart
Nothing is as jolly (read: creepy) as Bob Dylan singing “Here Comes Santa Claus” in his signature wheeze.

2. Christmas in the Stars (Star Wars Christmas Album)
Created two years after the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special, this album tells the story of a droid factory where the robots make toys year-round for “S. Claus” (and features the actor who voiced C-3PO, Anthony Daniels).

3. Conway Twitty, A Twismas Story
Listening to Conway Twitty sing about his experiences with Twitty Bird as they wander around Toyland Towne is truly an enlightening holiday experience.

4. David Hasselhoff, The Night Before Christmas
It may be hard to properly hear this record over the din of your inevitable laughter.

5. The Flaming Lips, Christmas on Mars
The soundtrack to the 2008 science fiction film of the same name, written and directed by frontman Wayne Coyne, is a bizarre and kitschy experience.

6. Halford 3, Winter Songs
The Judas Priest frontman sings the traditional Christmas classics.

7. The Hohner Kazoo Orchestra, Christmas with Kazoo
Just as the title suggests. Take it at face value.

8. Kenny Chesney, All I Want for Christmas is a Real Good Tan
For when you’d rather get away from the bleak winter skies and celebrate the holidays in a sunnier place, laughing all the way.

9. Kićo, Christmas with Kićo
A 1984 Christmas album by Croatian folk singer Kićo, which also happens to feature one of the strangest album covers on this list.

10. Korla Pandit, Merry X-Mas
A collection of traditional carols performed by the Godfather of Exotica music.

11.The Mom and Dads, Merry Christmas with the Mom and Dads
Celebrate Christmas with this classic octogenarian polka-waltz group!

12. N2K: Nutcracker 2000
Who doesn’t want to hear electronica mixes of Christmas tunes?

13. Regis Philbin, The Regis Philbin Christmas Album
When you need a good (unintentional) laugh, you can always count on this album.

14. Roseanne Barr sings the Christmas Classics
Almost as embarrassing as her rendition of the Star Spangled Banner

15. Thore Skogmans Julskiva, Klappa Pa
A collection of unrecognizable Christmas songs sung in Swedish is bound to get you excited for the holidays.

16. Twisted Sister, A Twisted Christmas
Nobody needs a heavy metal version of “Oh Come All Ye Faithful.”

17. Various Artists, Bummed Out Christmas
If joy and world peace just aren’t for you, perhaps you’d rather sulk and brood while listening to such uplifting tunes as “Don’t Believe in Christmas” and “Christmas in Jail.”

18. Various Artists, Christmas with Colonel Sanders

19. Various, Tijuana Christmas

20. Various Artists, Yuletide Disco
A funk version of “Good King Wenceslas” is all you need to get in the holiday spirit.

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